13 Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Ever wondered what it would be like to take a long break, a break from everything that sucks in your life, a break from all those people who have hurt you, a break from misery and embarrassment, a break from all the irritation and suffocation, a break from the regretted past, a break from feeling lost, a break from feeling like you don't belong, a break from "Life". Well, tough times tend to make people susceptible to wonder these at times, but even then most of us are even scared of facing ourselves feeling like this, scared of what are we thinking and scared that it might be true. And we move on from the thought a little haunted but always recovering. But what if someone does not recovers? Where does that leads them?
'13 Reasons Why' is the story of one such person - 'Hannah Baker' , giving up. Tired of being ridiculed by everyone, rumors haunting her reputation and its consequences, being pushed around over and over again, betrayed by friends, betrayed by everyone, facing every worst case scenario a teenager has ever came across, with no one to trust, no one to look upon to, no friend to seek help even when she tries, she finally begins to consider the idea of the so-called "easy way out" , but her entire journey through it makes it seem anything but easy. "Hello, boys and girls. Hannah Baker here. Live and in stereo...No return engagements. No encore. And this time absolutely no requests...I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why....I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you received this lovely little box, your name will pop up...I promise."
The story is narrated by "Clay Jensen", a friend of Hannah's who has received a set of mysterious tapes, its only after putting on the first tape that he realizes that these are Hannah's tapes, the ones she recorded right before she gave-up.
Hannah has been thinking about it from quite a while which gave her enough time to record a series of Tapes about the 13 people who finally led her to end her life. Theres a pattern that they are supposed to follow by sending the tapes to the next person on Hannah's list, and they do so not out of the scare that she gave them but more out of guilt and thinking it as the only way they could help her now by letting out the truth of how she felt to people who made her feel that way. Through those tapes Hannah not only wants them to know what she went through because of them and make them feel guilty but also at the same time she wants to tell them that she tried. She tried really hard to not give-up, tried to trust these people again only to let herself down again, she even tried to seek help whenever possible but every time found herself facing a solid useless wall. Which lead her to the final step of eventually giving up.
"No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same."
"I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with. "
"When you try rescuing someone and discover they can't be reached, why would you ever throw that back in their face? "
"Everything...affects everything"
—Hannah Baker
Through out the book we see Clay's perspective while he is listening to those tapes and even though we are not the ones on Hannah's list, yet we can feel each and every emotion that Clay displays as closely as him, his anger, his hurt, his frustration and helplessness when he knows heres a friend who is giving up and who is looking out for someone to help her but still he can't help her because its too late to do so. We can sense his fear mixed along with anticipation that any time now he will listen to the tape which is about him and he will know, how he affected Hannah's life and her decision to abandon it. This is definitely one of those books that makes you cry sheer out of frustration and helplessness. Its rare for me to shed tears while reading a book, but to know what Hannah went through in the little life that she led and then to know that Clay (who liked her so much and would have definitely helped her out if he knew, which now seems pretty unobservant of him even to him, because there were signs!!!) getting to know all those things through Hannah (in the form of her tapes). Everything feels like a situation where you are standing right next to a person who is jumping off a cliff and crying for your help, but only you can't. And when you finally can, its too late.
"You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything."
The only thing I disliked about the book, later became the very thing I adored about it. Initially you get a little confused when Clay is listening to the tapes that whether its Hannah's words or things that are on Clay's mind? Because theres no indication used to separate them and after every line of Hannah's, we get to peek into what's on Clay's mind, it maybe about what Hannah just said or simply other related and non-related things. But eventually the confusion disappears and it becomes more of an in-direct interaction between them, between us. This way of writing the story made sure that the reader feels involved by being at Clay's position, asking the very own questions to her that Clay has on his mind, feeling all those things which he feels, and through him what Hannah feels.
"A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope."
And then to conclude : After reading the book, the eventual question that arises is - "Is it right? Is it right to give up, no matter how severe the circumstances may be?"
But instead of finding an answer to this question theres a far positive and better theory revealed in the book which is - Everyone no matter how rigid and non-trusting they might be, they seek help, and its the lack of it, that eventually leads them to take these steps. The right help provided just at the right moment can aid people back to safety. No matter how shaken people might be from what they have experienced and even more from the fact that they are giving serious thoughts to ending up their livese for it, they want to trust people to help them. And they definitely want to come out of this fear, not feel the way they feel about the world, more importantly about themselves, they just need someone to assure them. Someone to trust and to know that their trust won't break again. They want to know simple things like "the world is really a better place to live in" (though it might be a lie, but still it helps) and it is definitely here that they belong.
" If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore.
But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head."
But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head."
Here's a Poem written by Hannah in one of her those days when she was using Poetry as a way to be happy again, didn't really turn out that way:
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